TSA Rocked by Tiny Stone

The TSA's sentinels of security continue their nationwide assault on basic common sense and good manners. I recently had the pleasure of their company when my bag caught the attention of one these eager beaver TSA agents.

My bag had just traveled through the conveyer belt when I heard the shrill and excited cry of “SIR, is this your bag?”

Armed with cheeto-scented breath, a young woman informed me, “Your bag has been flagged for enhanced security sir, you’ll need to come with me to a private screening area.”

We walked about 8 feet over to a table where we began our modified screening procedure.

“Do not touch anything I take out of the bag – do you understand?,” she cautioned.

“Yes ma’am, I sure do.”

Oh no - they were on to me! How will I ever get out of this one?

Like any well-trained officer with a keen eye for detail, the agent reached into my diabolical bag of tricks and plucked out a sealed bag of Chips Ahoy cookies. Let’s face it, too many chips in every bite is almost always a threat to national security. Thanks alot, Bin Laden!!

Once the cookies came into view, a male supervisor decided he had seen enough and it was time for him to step in and set things right. With the smell of cookies in the air, who knows what else might be lurking in that terror-filled bag.

I could feel the beads of sweat on my brow as the supervisor began rumbling through the bag. It was only a matter of time before this defender of democracy had the goods to lock me away in Leavenworth.

As he probed the bag more deeply, a small devious smile spreads across his face – Triumphantly – he pulled out the offending object (roughly the size of silver dollar and asked, “Sir, what is this?”

“Um, a rock,” I answer stupidly. I withered under his steely gaze as I watched the tiny smooth rock in his mighty palm of justice.

Then the supervisor barked, “What are you doing with this rock?” (Pictured below)

Is this a trick question?? - I collect small rocks, but should I confess this despicable crime to this Vanguard of Democracy? Then it came to me, like the player who has fumbled one too many footballs - It was time to give up the rock.

“Dude, why don't you just keep it, I have a plane to catch.”

Lord Vader looked at me smugly, as if to say, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Satisfied that I had succumbed to his powerful will, the agent handed the rock back to me - apparently ending my advanced security screening and preserving the empire for future generations.

Thank you Captain America - you have proven once more, that with great power, comes great responsibility. My hero!!!!!