Carnage at Kinkos -- Man vs. Machine

There is one attraction you won’t find on the tourist maps in New York City, but if you want experience the bizarre behavior New Yorkers deal with everyday, I highly recommend the volatile and slightly dangerous neighborhood Kinkos.

I know what you’re thinking, why would you waste your time in such a ridiculous place unless you had to? I actually ask myself that every time I gather up the courage to walk into one.

I had a great deal to print and not wanting to tax the old home printer, I ventured into a Kinko’s in the low 20’s on the West Side.

I was banging away on one of those Kinko’s keyboards when the young man of questionable character next to me started yelling, “Hey man, this damn machine dun stole my money!”

I found this hard to believe for several reasons.

1) He had been sleeping on the keyboard when I arrived.
2) He was never actually logged in.
3) Most importantly, you have to have a Kinko’s card or credit card to activate the machine and I’m pretty sure he had neither one of those items.

Perhaps he just had a bad dream. However, he would not be deterred from demanding his money back from the machine that had practically mugged him in his Don Quixote like state of mind. The man unleashed a flood of obscenities at the savage computer, but still it refused to refund his money.

Left with no other choice, the slighted man shoved the offending machine which quickly produced an angry tank like manager of Eastern European descent.

For just one moment, I thought the two might join forces and vanquish the thieving computer, but instead they trained their anger on one another. The man from the Gulag began yelling and swearing in what I believe was his native tongue and reached for the computer pirate. Now we’re getting somewhere I thought.

Each warrior sized up one another and the computer victim decided he was not yet ready to take a shot at the title. He fled the premises while the manager let forth with a guttural cry of, “Geeet the hell outov heer and downt comebacka.”

One of the funniest things about New York is how quickly things go back to normal. Komrade Krazy was muttering angrily to no one in particular when he returned to the register and started helping the next customer.

I’m not kidding, go to Kinkos!