Fear Radiates in Small Packages

There are many perils to be found in the New York City Subway System. The smells in each station are enough to bring the most hardened combat veteran to tears and there’s quite a scientific array of unidentifiable stains and liquids on every other seat in the subway cars. However, all of these plights pale in comparison to the big-bag toting short woman.

These barbarians stand somewhere under 5 foot six inches tall and pack the bite and temperament of piranha pool.

The rush-hour crowd boarding the 6-Train at 68th and Lexington lives in mortal terror of these beings as they push, bully and glare their way onto the packed cars.

Passengers already on the train do their best to stick to the walls as the Subway Succubus marches on to the train bludgeoning all in their path with their evil brick-filled bags.

Incidental contact with one of these predators leads to broken bones and laser like eyes of fury that sometimes pierce through the steel doors of the subway cars.

Don’t make eye contact and more importantly never smile. The bag that breaks your nose is the one you never see. They are cunning and quick. Once they see a target, that bag of tricks is swinging at you like a spider monkey.

The New York Attorney General has posted advisories everywhere in the five boroughs listing the following steps:

Startling a Subway Shorty:

1) Try to direct her fury onto another victim.
2) Throw a piece of freshly killed meat as far away from you as possible.
3) Make your peace with a higher power.

If at all possible, improve your survival chances by launching yourself into the path of an oncoming train.