New York Finest in Need of Driver’s Ed

Those high-speed police chase scenes you see through the streets of New York are about as realistic as a Bernie Madoff innocence plea. I found this out firsthand after an undercover New York City police officer managed to tag the back of my car in a low-speed rear-end collision. Now that's what I call "City-Driving."

My wife and I were about two blocks from Ground Zero traveling south on the Westside Highway when driving Miss Daisy managed to plow into our car after a different vehicle stopped short in front of us.

I got out to look at the damage when Inspector Gadget flashed his badge and barked at me to pull off the road. I must be getting the hang of this New York thing because I fired back a pointed comment regarding his lack of cognitive skills.

We pulled onto a side street and broke out a disposable camera I keep in the car in case some rocket scientist like this one forgets where the brake pedal is. Sheriff Bart emerged from the offending vehicle just in time for me to snap a picture of his happy little face. Then I moved on to snapping pictures of the damage he inflicted on both vehicles.

As I continued with my photographer routine, he started lecturing to me how that in New York City, when a third car is involved, what happened between us was actually a no-fault accident. This prompted me to tell him that he was full of substance that sounds very much like the word “ship.”

This angered him and several other officers who were in the vicinity for a grand-Sunday Cub Scout parade. One of New York’s Finest broke away from the parade route and planted his grill in my face. This prompted me to say, “Smile!” as I snapped his pretty picture.

He let loose a guttural growl and told me, “You better watch it!”

I laughed and asked, “Are you going to Rodney King me in front of the Cub Scouts?”

He walked away while letting loose a string of obscenities that would surely get him booted out of any respectable boy or girl scout troop.

Finally a uniformed officer, a female sergeant started collecting my information and repeating the same Disney story about how this accident was no one’s fault. I didn't believe her fairy tale for a second, but our car only had minor damage and I don’t have the time or energy to fight City Hall.

I have to admit though, the photos were fantastic and really brought out the blue in their eyes.