Deadly Wiffle Ball, Terrifying Tag Banned at NY Summer Camps

Wiffle Ball! Kickball! Capture the Flag, Oh my!!

Wiffle Ball and capture the flag are just some of the lethal activities that NY State Lawmakers have deemed too dangerous for kids to participate in at summer camp.

This 2009 law also lists tag and dodgeball as treacherous activities that “pose a risk for significant injury” to children. So once again, as lawmakers try to regulate every facet of every day life, common sense has been critically injured.

Don’t get me wrong, I remember taking a wiffle ball to the face once, and it damn near left a welt on my cheek.

I also remember being tagged during tag, the humiliation was so complete, I got hooked on bazooka bubble gum and had to spend minute after minute chewing it.

And dodgeball, I hit a kid above the shoulders once and got yelled at by my gym teacher. I never liked her anyway.

Don’t even get me started on “capture the flag!”

Given that these kid games have been proven too deadly to play, what are some of the alternatives?

There are always video games and television, but then you run the risk of childhood obesity, a condition that has been firmly linked to premature death.

I guess drug dealers get a fair amount of exercise while walking the beat in the hood or running from law enforcement. But they also have a high mortality rate due to conflicts being solved with gunplay.

Forget swimming, did you ever see the movie Titanic?

Biting fingernails is fun, but God knows where those hands have been – then you run the risk of infection.

Kids could spend all day texting, but wait, they do that anyway.

Since the brain surgeons in Albany have outlawed fun, maybe they might offer some suggestions on what SAFER summer activities children might participate in before they start looking like Zach Galifianakis in Hangover Four.