Faces Frozen Forever onto the Real Housewives of New York City

Those faces are frozen for a reason!!

If you are one those strange people who shove cosmetic needles and toxins into your face, this article will not evoke feelings of warmth and fuzziness.

I've always found the “Housewives of Wherever” genre to be overacted, tactless and without any redeeming value. But due to a recent Botox study released by the University of Southern California, I have discovered an aspect of the “Housewives of New York” that I cannot turn away from!!

The upper two-thirds of those "Housewife" faces DO NOT MOVE!

This is not a mean joke - these stiff and static grills are for real. Even during the "Housewives" commercials, there was always something that seemed a bit off. Now we know what it is, the upper quadrants of the "Housewife" faces are completely frozen from the jaw up. 

Whether they are swearing, swinging or swooning, those faces are locked into the death-grip of cosmetic toxins. These "housewives" bare a striking resemblance to the Nutcracker puppets, because the only part of their face that actually moves is their jaws. 

The study that drew me to this facial phenomenon deals with people who get Botox injections and subsequently lose their ability to convey emotions.  The study, released by the University of California, explains that these toxic shots, freeze facial muscles and deaden the face’s ability to display emotions.

Here’s the best part – you can watch any episode with the MUTE button on. There’s no need to hear what insidious venom they are spraying at one another.  The only way to read their emotions is by activating the closed-captioning function.

These stone-faced housewives strike an eerie resemblance to the old South Park characters before they switched to computer animation. Forgive me for not knowing the names of all the housewives, but I came up with a South Park character key.

Numbered left to right… 

#1 – Kyle

#2 - The Baroness would play Mayor McDaniels

#3 - The redhead looks like Mr. Garrison

#4 - Bethenny (ex-housewife or not) bares a striking resemblance to Wendy Testaburger

#5 - The crazy bug-eyed housewife is a dead-ringer for Cartman

#6 – It’s a tie between Tweak and Butters